aspie ranting |
|
|
If I seem a little distant or incoherent, it's because I am. I am not a NeuroTypical and I have no desire to become one. This is simply the area in which I stim my creative impulses. (WARNING: All entries are either ENTIRELY TRUE or ENTIRELY FALSE and anything claiming to be one of the latter is, in fact, one of the former. There are no exceptions to this rule.) comments, marriage proposals, and death threats can be sent here 
|
Saturday, January 24, 2004
patient the circumspect circles growing darkness around my eyes begging for residence as another sleepless night beckons dawn's rosy fingers light less a load in a sense but less nonetheless dreams restless in themselves unnerving in context of the morning after email and I haven't seen sunlight in days waking hibernation dangerous limbo of malnutrition a diamond's scattering of light frosts the bitter residue of a faithless wonder boy boy wondering if there is a reason a plan or a great tapestry that is bigger than he and the days that feel like these Friday, January 23, 2004
reconcile your two faces the world and mine don't close your eyes for sleep until the wee hours of twilight's morn turning everything black and white in a world of shades of grey this is my compromise my eternal satisfaction I wish it didn't hurt to say these things forget tomorrow and yesterday (it's all a blur anyway) forget me but you're wearing my shirt and my heart is on the sleeve and your smug confidence is offputting this is not my compromise my eternal disappointment take a breath, my scent is gone forgotten in the wash like a heart betrayed and where were you, when I needed you are my broken dreams and promises faded over time like the day you were mine this is my love's demise my eternal satisfaction Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
even when the odds are stacked against me (and especially so, then) I will not faulter to fabrication no whys become no lies when answered disproportionately consequently, futhermore, and henceforth a locked lock granting no consequence for the keys themselves, being not themselves, queued in a trance of false witness a slave, as pound wrote, is a man waiting for somebody else to free him so i must go without offence and deny contrafactual definiteness for the sake of less than convention and a fundamental (though bibliomancic, at best) truth (at the end of it all, so you'll likely skim the rest) The price we paid for that vision was the possession of that vision... Pressure has a way of exposing our fault lines... "Wow, your life is a soap opera, huh?" --Greg I suppose it is, but not in the mildly entertaining (okay, horribly addictive) way. I have long suffered fools, and I have never done so gladly. I guess what I mean to say is that the things that I do to help people, misguided as some of these attempts have proven to be, are rarely and unceremoniously appreciated. Of course, there have been a few notable exceptions (you all know whom you are... both of you), and for those I am indebted... my respect will always be due to those who are strong enough of character to admit when they have been wrong, especially without any prodding on my part (don't be cheeky!). In all fairness, my advice and counsel was not oft requested, but it is truly a wise person that knows of acceptance despite themself. I have not been this wise at all points of my life (less so now, in fact), but the great thing about life is change. Change doesn't happen right away, but rather slowly and gradually -- at least so it would seem to those watching us. But inside us, we feel the change as almost an affront to our comfortability (read: stagnation) of self-preservation. You don't wake up one day and suddenly act like a different person (or even the person you might want more than anything to be) or forget everything that has happened to you and start anew. But there is a day that comes when you can look at yourself in the mirror when you're doing something ordinary or mundane and catch a glimpse of yourself -- one of those powerful, thought provoking looks that are generally reserved for judging other people -- and you can be proud of the progress that you have made toward what you want. If it truly is what your heart wills, then happiness is surely not far off. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law... oh, and in better news, I have decided that I am going to renew one of my old nicknames... *raises a glass* here's to better times and lots of quackery... *quack* Monday, January 19, 2004
The message now is that the message keeps changing. Intelligence must increase as consciousnesss expands, or we get burned-out. I got rid of my own fears as a new year's resolution. But now, I have no fear of other people's fear. Truth. Truth. there is no need to repeat the old misery imprints. (Love, check the index about Malik's dogs...) Saturday, January 17, 2004
"She said that living with me was bringing her down, yeah and she would never be free when I was around." -- The Beatles, Ticket to Ride Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Monday, January 12, 2004
12 dimensional spacetime a lattice of superstrings arranged in interlocking pentagons but time is a human construct vibration a cosmic front side bus clicking the quanta of the experimental turned experiential only after the comprehension of a science can the beauty of a science take over written prose aghast and ghostly a reflection (an imperfect copy at best) of peace Sunday, January 11, 2004
synergy/atrophy anaboly/cataboly essergy/entropy paradigm/parody interpretation/explanation/explication perception -- performance cognitive economy dynamism ~ flexibility reformation/operationalization The General Laws & Corollaries of Informatics I. Intelligibility varies with the availability of information. II. Facility of information depends upon its relevance. III. Cognizance requires continuing feedback. i. The probability of error increases with the demands of the task. ii. The relevance of information changes with the choice of the task. iii. Informed action involves both feedforward and feedback in dynamic conjunction. affronted/accosted (by a barker playing a simple tune upon his flute... toot, toot, toot, toot!) song/seam steam/fog fog/cloudy cloudy/rainy rainy/wet wet/well... wet Thursday, January 08, 2004
every line calculated to be as cold as possible and cause the most amount of damage. (I can't be broken anymore) I will not sit idly by and be accused of the very things to which I am being subjected. (I can't be alone) I will not love you again. (I will not hurt you anymore, unless by absence) goodbye (goodbye) all human beings (and most of the non-beings too, I suppose) are disgusting, mishapen, disgusting meatbags with no more sense than immediate (or the closest thing to immediate) gratification of social pressures... nobody feels their blood boil quite like he can; being a nerd at heart, he always associated with the closest approximation that sci-fi could come up with -- the Vulcan's Pon farr. When the world around you closes in (okay, get ready for the biggest nerd pun I've had in weeks) on you, fuck everybody. even the deepest part of every person is laced with some carnal desire designed to increase their chemical output in the body, be it hormones or neurotransmitters or the all to common squirts of dopamine. What can you mean? what can you mean? ---^~-----^~---^~--^~^~^v^v^v^|---------------------* mjp Monday, January 05, 2004
I feel like I have something to say, but I can't ever find the words. I want to communicate, but too much is lost in translations loose approximations at best and all too common misunderstandings I would feel contempt, but it falls in the realm of inexperience a lack of total understanding -- not communication understand? Thursday, January 01, 2004
you don't get it you probably never will and yet the understanding you claim to have will forever elude you in the darkest times there is a reason for all injustice there is a word that speaks of all inequality there is no word or set of words for reprogramming |
faeries have died because YOU haven't been clapping hard enough.