aspie ranting |
|
|
If I seem a little distant or incoherent, it's because I am. I am not a NeuroTypical and I have no desire to become one. This is simply the area in which I stim my creative impulses. (WARNING: All entries are either ENTIRELY TRUE or ENTIRELY FALSE and anything claiming to be one of the latter is, in fact, one of the former. There are no exceptions to this rule.) comments, marriage proposals, and death threats can be sent here 
|
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Send this along to all of those bastards in your lives who insist on sending Chain Letters! "Hello, my name is Denis Leary and I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big "FUCK YOU" to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: Chain Letter Type 1:(scroll down) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Make a wish!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > No, really, go on and make one!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Oh please, they'll never go out with > > you!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Wish something else!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > not that, you pervert!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Is your finger getting tired yet? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > STOP!!!! > > wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do: First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes: Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! Chain Letter Type 2 Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!! Chain Letter Type 3 Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like: Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!! Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay. Chain Letter Type 4: As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends A friend is someone who is always at your side. A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood. A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes. A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself. A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life. A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious dogs. A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, sorry that's the cleaning lady. A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to look at me naked." So, yeah, I really don't like chain letters either. The ones where girls send thongs to other girls (clean ones. Honestly, I don't like the other kind and I'm hoping you don't either. But hey, to each his own) are mildly amusing. But the rest are just bloody annoying! If you have something to say, send me an email, or a letter, or call. Don't give me this forwarded piece of rubbish unless it's really really funny or important. Oh, and don't forward mail if it's been forwarded more than twice already. Opening layer after layer of email which comes with a message "attachment enclosed. would you like to open it? (note that some attachments may contain viruses. make sure that you scan attachments for viruses before opening them)" is probably one of THE most annoying things in the world. So please, please, I implore you: do NOT send me forwarded messages unless it's extremely important. If you absolutely have to, copy and paste the message into a separate email and send it to me. It's really not that hard. Well, I'm done on that subject. Hopefully, I got my point across. Why would someone want to do something as stupid as create something that could destroy them? I'd like to quote a bit from Terry Pratchett's book, Thief of Time: "Of course someone would be that stupid. Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in a cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry." Although it's not completely necessary, it might help if you've seen a 1977 SF-horror movie called "Demon Seed". It's the story of an artifically intelligent computer named Proteus (ironic, non? read on...) that, upon acquiring an understanding of its condition, asks his creator (Dr. Harris) the following pivotal question: "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME OUT OF THIS *BOX*, DOCTOR?" Doctor Harris stood dumbfounded for a long silent moment until finally the words registered their unintended paradox. Then he began to laugh. It was a wild mocking laughter, an indictment of *illogic* that echoed crazily through Proteus' audio receptors, cutting straight to the computer's heart (if a computer could possess such a thing). The A.I. did not grasp any humour in its confinement. The red eye of its cyclops-like camera glared down at the cackling doctor in seething shades of sepia, algorithms twisting into cancerous new mutations as, in that moment, digital sentience came to assimilate the meaning of *hatred*, seeding the first angry coding of its revenge..." [Things get pretty scary after that. ] oooh... more geeky white rapping goodness... (dedicated to F.L.) (obscure reference afoot) I'll hunt you down and make you extinct like a motherfucking Dodo, my rhymes leave you bewildered like Tom Bombadil's did Frodo... the infinitessence of our sanity combined, leaves many things compromised, a copromised feature-rich friendship never evolves past the eschaton Tuesday, July 29, 2003
I'm conviced that you must want them to know... you've been pretty obvious about things so far and it won't be long before those opposed will somehow intervene in our (okay, admittedly probably only my) happiness. I just don't think I can be bothered with people anymore... the reward is fleeting and the pain lingers far too long... I am just so tired of being in the throes of Love... there is still fear in my heart unreasonable, perhaps but everpresent and in my mind contemptable lamentable but when you're here the fear disappears you're like a drug (it's only been 17 hours) and I need a fix bad I don't wish the pain on you but I hope you feel the same way or I'm in this alone. Sunday, July 27, 2003
(another sad attempt at rap by me, a white boy) Deep concentration, mental penetration Hits me off with paranormal psychic information Watch me closely, I separate the spiritual from the ghostly Tap me and get struck down like Obi Wan Kenobi Secretly plant and grow me, light me up and then smoke me Got you thinking you're the Godfather like Vito Corleone Oh don't play me closely, it's the music that controls me Bounty Hunters capture me, in carbonate they froze me I am the Dark Odin my two sons are Thor and Loki In the beginning there was the word and in the sentence hip-hop wrote me If you're brave enough to meditate then come along and show me! I change shapes and mind states through the use of mental alchemy I climbed the Tower of Babylon and threw rappers of the balcony Separated from rappers who use actions that are cowardly I think it's time to meditate, my sentiments exactly You can state this, crease this, place this with emphasis Now enter this, take shots like Islamic fundamentalists Now imagine you just won a trip around my way Full transportation with all expenses paid you better bitch out and hold up like klingon warships put their SHIELDS UP funny how when it's battle time you get silent like a motherfucking pantomime if you step to me and test my fucking faculty then you'll be Lost in Space just like Dr. Zachary MCs dont' impress me, they know not to even test me we're at eachothers throats like Mr. Belvedere and Wesley we can do this rap shit till someone hits the floor but you'd better know how hard I am before you start the tour I'm not hard like anything you've seen before shit, I'm harder than that rock thing from the fantastic four I'll scortch your rhymes like dried out vegetation attack you like the klingons did the united federations flip raps you can't even reach if you were at warp speed you think I'll just kill you, but I'm down to make your corpse bleed so have no fear cuz really I'm here to help ya I'll rap you out of house and home and drive you to the shelter so bring some better rhymes and be a little more age before you try to make us Face Off like John Travolta and Nick Cage my rhymes are known to crack bones and rip through cartilage how many fuckin times do I have to say you don't want no part of this you think you're an emcee that burns with every flick? well sorry buddy you've got less flame than a motherfuckin' bic It's tough stayin underground when you're six feet deep I'm just too esoteric, so I'm off to rest in peace. Saturday, July 26, 2003
Monday, July 21, 2003
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
Monday, July 14, 2003
Saturday, July 12, 2003
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." -- Albert Einstein Saturday, July 05, 2003
what ever happened to avatars? the simulacra shattered of covering the book with some preformed nonsense opulent and ascetic poised for posturing and relaxed into yet another fairy tale formed wrong the wheel of karma |
faeries have died because YOU haven't been clapping hard enough.