If I seem a little distant or incoherent, it's because I am. I am not a NeuroTypical and I have no desire to become one. This is simply the area in which I stim my creative impulses. (WARNING: All entries are either ENTIRELY TRUE or ENTIRELY FALSE and anything claiming to be one of the latter is, in fact, one of the former. There are no exceptions to this rule.)

 
Beauty, display thine Empire! Truth above
Thoughts reach: the wholeness of the world is Love
posted by Sinister at 6:43 AM

 
"You can say that I�m one curly fry in the box of the regular
Messing with the flavor oh the flavor that you savor
Saving me for last but you better not eat me at all
Living in a fast food bag making friends with the ketchup and salt
People say that I�m crazy for not moving on to better things
Instead I�m sitting around trash talking with the onion rings
But it�s much too soon to leave this easy life
Pass me the spoon. Pass the analytical knife

Cause you�re about to get cut and get cut down
It�s all about the wordplay all about the sound in the tone of my voice
You gotta let me make my choice alone before my food gets cold
Better shut up or get shot down. It s all about the know how all just a matter of taste
Stop telling me the way I gotta play. Too much food on my plate.

Believe it or not I super sized my sights on the surprise in the cereal box
My stomach's smaller than my eyes
so I went to see the doctor and he said "turn your head and then cough"
I didn�t listen to what he said instead I couldn�t wait to get off
He said I can have this but I can�t have that
That I should keep wishing I was living the life of a cat because
I ain�t the one whose gonna be missing the feast
Just like you ain�t the one who seems to be calming the beast

Now your about to get cut and get cut down
It�s all about the wordplay all about the sound in the tone of my voice
You gotta let me make my choice alone before my food gets cold
Better shut up or get shot down. It's all about the know how all just a matter of taste
Stop telling me the way I gotta play. Too much food on my plate.

Well if you are what you eat in my case I�ll be sweet so come and get some
I�m so over it.

Now your about to get cut and get cut down
It's all about the know how all just a matter of taste
Stop telling me the way I gotta play. Too much food on my plate.
(Get up and get some)
There�s too much food on my plate."

-- Too Much Food, by Jason Mraz

(I couldn't have said it better myself...)
posted by Sinister at 2:53 AM

 
so maybe I'm missing the signs
the signs that I'm just being humoured
(they always appear)
(they always take over)

every time I try to see us together, I can
imagine how it will feel for me to kiss you
now, I'm scared

and you don't want somebody who's scared
you want me, but without the history of me
so you *pauses to think* [seeked, sook, seeken... DAMN] sought
out the next best thing

and taught yourself to forget the past and put a new
face
on the fears of yesteryear

and you never call
anymore
and you never write
anymore
and you probably never think about me
anymore
aside from the times I call

I'm just a memory;
dove sta Amore...
if it was ever Amore

(I'm so lost now... and I'm beginning to see what's going on here)
posted by Sinister at 2:48 AM

 
Je suis le t�n�breux, -- le veuf, -- l'inconsol�,
Le prince d'Aquitaine � la tour abolie:
Ma seule �toile est morte, -- et mon luth constell�
Porte le soliel noir de la M�lancolie.
posted by Sinister at 3:50 PM

 
funny fantasies are never so real as oldstyle romances
where the hero has a heroine who has
longer hair (it's everywhere) and lets
nobody

kiss her ever
and everybody's trying all the time to
run away with her
and the hero is always drawing his
(sic) sword and
tilting at ginmills and
forever telling her he
Loves her and has only honourable intentions and
honourable mentions

and nobody ever beats him at
anything

but then finally one day
she who has always been so timid
delicately runs away
and leaves only

an empty feeling
posted by Sinister at 3:43 PM

 
dove sta Amore...
posted by Sinister at 3:35 PM

 
"The more articulate the laws and ordinances,
The more robbers and thieves arise"
-- Lao Tzu
posted by Sinister at 1:13 AM

 
on the horizon is
a pallid, yellowish light,
weighed down by leaden clouds of indigo
posted by Sinister at 11:29 PM

 
"A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant one."
-- Moliere
posted by Sinister at 2:39 AM

 
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
-- Aldous Huxley
posted by Sinister at 2:37 AM

 
"Tact consists of knowing how to go too far."
-- Jean Cocteau
posted by Sinister at 2:30 AM

 
"Words can sometimes, in moments of grace, attain the quality of deeds."
-- Elie Wiesel

it would be her wouldn't it... *grins at something only he understands*
posted by Sinister at 2:26 AM

 
"Woe onto them that call evil good, and good evil."
-- Isaiah 5:20
posted by Sinister at 7:35 PM

 
sweet tears of joy melt
my angry eyes
suspicions erased
all my fears are faced
and I turned my back
on all the verbal attacks
and let it all roll off me
(it's the way I have to be)

cause hope in the future
(and hope in you)
is all I ever want to feel
(and now I do)
it seems like things are better now
(your Love seems true)
and everything about this just seems so

real.
posted by Sinister at 11:09 AM

 
I don't wanna be saved...
just accepted.
posted by Sinister at 4:24 AM

 
what's the point if I'm not the one you'd choose?
posted by Sinister at 5:35 PM

 
If you stroll through a large art museum, you will notice that Van Gogh does not paint the same world as Rembrandt, Picasso does not see things the way Goya did, Georgia O'Keefe doesn't much resemble Rivera, Salvador Dali looks like nobody but himself, and, in general, no world-class artist became a "classic" by doing what somebody else had already done or even what everybody else in his/her own era did.

And in science, the names of Einstein, Dirac, the Curies, Bohr, Heisenberg, Schroedinger, John Bell etc. live on because none of them took Newton as Holy Gospel: they all made unique and unpredictable innovations in basic theory.

And, in case you think this applies only to "arts and sciences," consider the most successful people in industry. Henry Ford did not get rich copying Fulton's steamboat; he made a car so cheap that anybody could afford one. Howard Hughes produced movies that nobody else would have dared to attempt, and then went on to revolutionize the airline industry. Buckminster Fuller did not copy the cubical form of previous architects, but invented the geodesic dome; at last count, over 300,000 of his buildings existed, making him the most visibly successful architect in history. Steve Wozniak did not copy the computers of his day, but invented one that anybody could use [and even enjoy!] Etc.

We all need constant reiteration of these truisms because we live in a world where a multitude of very powerful forces have worked upon us, from birth through school to work, attempting to suppress our individuality, our creativity and, above all, our curiosity -- in short, to destroy everything that encourages us to think for ourselves.

Our parents wanted us to act like the other children in our neighborhood; they emphatically did not want a boy or girl who seemed "weird or "different" or [Heaven forefend] "too damned clever by far."

Then we enter grade school, a fate worse than Death and Hell combined. Whether we land in a public school or a private religious school, we learn two basic lessons: 1) There exists one correct answer for every question; and 2) education consists of memorizing the one correct answer and regurgitating it on an "examination."

The same tactics continue through high school and, except in a few sciences, even to the university.

All through this "education" we find ourselves bombarded by organized religion. Most religions, in this part of the world, also teach us "one correct answer," which we should accept with blind faith; worse, they attempt to terrorize us with threats of post-mortem roasting, toasting and charbroiling if we ever dare to think at all, at all.

After 18-to-30+ years of all this, we enter the job market, and learn to become, or try to become, almost deaf, dumb and blind. We must always tell our "superiors" what they want to hear, what suits their prejudices and/or their wishful fantasies. If we notice something they don't want to know about, we learn to keep our mouths shut. If we don't -

"One more word, Bumstead, and I'll fire you!"

As my mahatma guru J.R. "Bob" Dobbs says, "You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, mathematically, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that."

"Bob" may have the average confused with the median, but otherwise he hit a bull's eye. Half of the people you meet do indeed seem dumber than a box of rocks; but they did not start out that way. Parents, peers, schools, churches, advertisers and jobs made them that way. Every baby at birth has a relentlessly curious and experimental temperament. It takes the first third of our lives to destroy that curiosity and experimentalism; but in most cases, we become placid parts of a docile herd.

This human herd all started out as potential geniuses, before the tacit conspiracy of social conformity blighted their brains. All of them can redeem that lost freedom, if they work at it hard enough.

I've worked at it for many years now, and still find parts of me acting like a robot or a zombie on occasion. Learning "how to become what you are" [in Nietzsche's phrase] takes a lifetime, but it still seems the best game in town.

posted by Sinister at 2:02 AM

 
a melancholy contrapunctus
becomes a tragic fugue in 3 parts
posted by Sinister at 6:46 PM

 
"There was a man who had a face
That looked a lot like me
I saw him in the mirror and
I fought him in the street
And when he turned away
I shot him in the head
Then I came to realize
I had killed myself

If you're free you'll never see the walls
If you're head is clear you'll never freefall
If you're right you'll never fear the wrong
If you're head is high you'll never fear at all"

-- Exploder, by Audioslave
posted by Sinister at 7:02 PM

 
(you've given up... tell me I should too, and I will...)
posted by Sinister at 2:15 AM

 
"That ain't a jug of wine that you been drinkin from
Now lay back, now baby and let your fever come
I'll bury you in just to dig you out
I don't have any use for being proud
And the deeper the slide
The higher the rise
Now don't be disappointed how I'm usin mine

Baby if you never got sick
I wouldn't get to hold you
Baby if you never got sick
I wouldn't get to hold you

I think I made a mistake
I think I pushed when you said wait
but I never get to hold you"

-- If You Never Got Sick, by The Wallflowers

what the fuck have I become?
posted by Sinister at 12:46 AM

 
I wish that I was completely okay with everything...

... if only for your sake.
posted by Sinister at 12:37 AM

 
Walk without footprints.
Breathe without breath.
My life leaves no trace.
posted by Sinister at 6:19 AM

 
almost made it last night
passed myself off to the great beyond
but someone at the end of the tunnel
had a sense of humour

turns out it was turned around
the light was here all along
posted by Sinister at 8:23 AM

 
"You strung me along
Like a tease on prom night
Getting me loose but
Leaving me uptight
Please tell me that
Some of that love was true"

-- Tonight I'll Take What I Can Get, by Dashboard Confessional
posted by Sinister at 2:36 PM

 
"For He shall give His angels charge over thee."
-- Ps. 91:11
posted by Sinister at 12:26 PM

 
you don't cut yourself
but you cut so deep into me
and maybe the worst part about it
is the part that you don't even see

wounds like this don't heal perfect
the vicious reminders they'll see
and the part that I can't seem to get past
as the scar tissue suffocates me

is goodbye
no matter how hard
I try
goodbye
is impossible...
posted by Sinister at 2:54 AM

 
"does he ever get the girl?"
-- This Ruined Puzzle, by Dashboard Confessional
posted by Sinister at 2:29 AM

 
leave my memories in hock
faint forgetfulness
forgotten relentlessness
resentfulness remains

I don't want to live
the life I never loved
it's left behind
it left you so unkind
and reminds
you of times
you tried so hard
to release

grant me sweet reprise
reprieve
remove me from this set
a movie I'll regret
I never remember my lines

and nothing's set
just don't regret
that you held on
when it counted

it's just that adding you and me
never quite amounted
posted by Sinister at 2:21 AM

 
(stream of consciousness much?)
posted by Sinister at 2:10 AM

 
cocoon heart
faceless revolution
evolving metamorphosis
resist the tides of change

lament among sent
and recieved memorable
remarkable remarks
and tightlipped resurrections

eleemosynary eleusis
stretched to nothing
spread out like a whore
looking for rent

in the apartment of the soul
the windows are all smashed
and the door's kicked in
and everything is trashed

and the dam between your heart and mind
with its delicate equilibrium
is failing
and losing its integrity;
osmosis of Love.

forgive me if I self-medicate
but my world is crumbling down
the fantastic craziness of it
(and of existence)
is leaving me empty

it keeps me awake
until she wakes up
and it makes me afraid
that you've become what you
always hated
posted by Sinister at 2:09 AM

 
"Come in chiare acque albor lontan di stella
Ridea l'alma ne gli occhi e trasparia"
-- Carducci

Her soul smiles in her eyes and shows through them
As the far whiteness of a star in clear waters.
posted by Sinister at 12:28 AM

 
"Oh dear what can I do,
baby's in black and I'm feelin' blue.
Tell me oh, what can I do?

She thinks of him
and so she dresses in black
and though he'll never come back
she's dressed in black.

Oh dear what can I do,
baby's in black and I'm feelin' blue.
Tell me oh, what can I do?

I think of her
but she thinks only of him
and though it's only a whim
she thinks of him.

Oh how long will it take
till she sees the mistake she has made?

Dear what can I do,
baby's in black and I'm feelin blue.
Tell me oh, what can I do?

Oh how long will it take
till she sees the mistake she has made?

Dear what can I do,
baby's in black and I'm feelin blue.
Tell me oh, what can I do?

She thinks of him
and so she dresses in black
and though he'll never come back
she's dressed in black.

Oh dear what can I do,
baby's in black and I'm feelin' blue
Tell me oh, what can I do?"

-- Baby's In Black, by The Beatles

apropos... more than you know.
posted by Sinister at 4:36 AM

 
"there is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the the slow movement of a clock's hands.
people are tired strafed by life mutilated either by love or no love.
people are not good to each other one on one.
people are just not good to each other.
we are afraid.
we think that hatred signifies strength.
that punishment is love.
we forget the terror of one person aching in one room alone unkissed untouched cut off watering a plant alone without a telephone that would never ring anyway.
and people are not good to each other"

-- Charles Bukowski
posted by Sinister at 8:48 AM

 
I'm not so happy;
I'm not secure
posted by Sinister at 10:51 AM

 
"A little bit closer,
I know you're not bashful
There, now that's not so bad, is it?
So what was that secret?
What did that prick whisper to you?
Was it playful and flirty
Or degrading and dirty?
I know you like it both ways
So -- what did he say?
To make you so goddamn defiant
So fucking triumphant

Relations, in direct competition
Domination
The players, disguised as the lovers
The best friend
A game of who needs who the worst

A little bit closer
Your lipstick is smudged, dear
Here, let me wipe that smirk off

A secret
But you couldn't keep it so secret
Relations, without hesitation
Or social tact

And as it occured, it occured to me
Who needs who?
Who needs who?

A little bit closer...
Closer..."

-- The Game Of Who Needs Who The Worst, by Cursive
posted by Sinister at 10:56 PM

 
all the things I'm waiting for
and everything between
I wanna put you on a throne
and have you be my queen

(you'd never play along
it's that it's not your scene
so you sit alone in your room
and dream of being queen)
posted by Sinister at 12:36 AM

 
"Walking away.
It's not the same as running.
Is it to you know that you've run in this ground.
And you say take this.
This medicine is just what you deserve.
Swallow, choke, and die.

And this bitter pill is leaving you
with such an angry mouth.
One that's void of all discretion
such an awful tearing sound.
With it's measure only equal by the power of my stare
glaring over you and over you this feeling of despair
is never wearing out.

It's wearing off
and it's leaving you with such a heavy heart
and a head to match.
The bottle is waiting
the cap is twisted begging to be used
and so are you."

-- This Bitter Pill, by Dashboard Confessional
posted by Sinister at 2:33 AM

 
right now, I wish that I never was...
posted by Sinister at 2:22 AM

 
tonight is a night for comfort food...
what's the combination to my heart?

is it valium and vicodin or
something a little more esoteric
to fit my life?

heroin with a nitrous twist off
to propel me to oblivion...
(do you see the pun?)

when nobody wants me
(when I'm not around)
why bother fighting you
to let us be?

"this turpentine chaser's got kick," right?
and all I can feel is like you'll never understand
the reasons for the things I do
I can't get through
he's got you wrapped up in
the day to day

forgive me
(I know you won't)
you'll resent me
(doesn't everyone?)

I'm sorry you hate me
I'm sorry I can't explain
I'm sorry your friends hate me
I'm sorry I can't refrain

gone are the days
of dupars and lulus
and the innocence they brought to our lives
the life we wanted was dressed up to the nines
or at least the fours or the fives

I know you'll change your mind again
it's just a matter of time...

and all the regrets in the world
(or my heart)
won't change that.

I'm sorry for me...
posted by Sinister at 12:46 AM

 
there's something to be said for trust...
(and I'm not entirely sure why you still don't really trust me)
posted by Sinister at 1:04 PM

 
what a night...

finding it hard to breathe...
posted by Sinister at 6:02 AM

 
losing faith in what I used to know
struggling perpetually, trying to go
but somehow I'm not the most meaningful person
and suddenly I feel our situation worsen

you push me away, afraid of your feelings
with lies and "mistakes" and those sorts of dealings
you have to work out just what you want more
and to the other part of your life, just shut the door

forgive and forget and remove all the conflict
or pain and enragement is what you'll inflict
say you're in Love with me and I'll give more chances
for us to work out with this best of romances

but lie to me now and my wrath you'll ensnare
and my heart will be broken, far beyond repair
and if it's for him, then I'm quite sure I'll cry
and by nightfall I won't be the only to die

so I hope all my warnings you'll heed
and for my sake and your sake I certainly plead
that if you're in Love with me you must let me know
with the biggest of actions, don't tell me, please show

you see your reflection, a ghost from the past
she's the one I'm in Love with, figurehead without a mast
you remember her fondly from a past life out west
she didn't try, she always did her best

it was good enough, always, for me
her best was something I always could see

(I hope you've decided to stay with me forever this time...
and this line's mostly filler; I needed a rhyme.)
posted by Sinister at 5:23 AM

 
"she comes apart at the seams
cause she never dreams
as she lays up awake
cause her feelings ache
and the one thing she found
as she gazed at the sea
was that she lost her faith
her faith in me

and in the early morning
i can't make up a thing
and a barely can play
i don't like to sing
so i picked up my brush
painted blue guitar

...

so i played her a song
but the timing was wrong
poor choices of chords
and the words were forced
and the one thing that i found
as i gazed at the sea
was that she lost all hope
all hope in me

as she gazed at the sea
was that she lost her faith
her faith in me"

-- Another Song For A Blue Guitar, by Red House Painters
posted by Sinister at 12:27 AM

 
take every opportunity
to let me down
never let a moment pass
without a promise broken...
posted by Sinister at 3:36 PM

 
(these white pills aren't useless,
they dull the pain
and I wonder why you won't
cartwheel in the rain)
posted by Sinister at 10:35 AM

 
living without you is not living...
posted by Sinister at 10:27 AM

 
these white pills don't help
the pain is too deep
and it's not getting better

the world is small, but
between us
it feels like the space
between us
is not made up of miles
but of pain
posted by Sinister at 10:26 AM

 
"I'm in Love with you, Malcolm."
-- Kaelan
posted by Sinister at 12:50 AM

 
"fine, then put east coast schools on the west coast..."
-- Kaelan
posted by Sinister at 11:53 PM

 
"yes, Malcolm, you're an annoying eyebrow hair..."
-- Kaelan
posted by Sinister at 11:44 PM

 
"for some reason I like guys, though..."
-- Kaelan
posted by Sinister at 11:36 PM

 
4 November. William of Orange, later king of Great Britain and Ireland, was born in 1650. An equestrian statue of him, blown up in 1929 by Repulicans, remained on a scrapheap until World War II, by which time the Dublin water pipes were in such a state that more water was escaping than getting through to people's taps. It was noticed that the genitalia of King William's horse were solid lead and weighed a stone and a half. The horse's member proved perfect for sealing pipes.
posted by Sinister at 1:26 AM

 
"You can rock my shoes..."
-- Kaelan
posted by Sinister at 11:31 PM

 
it's a boob conspiracy
posted by Sinister at 11:26 PM

 
"That boy took my love away
Though he'll regret it someday
But this boy wants you back again

That boy isn't good for you
Though he may want you too
This boy wants you back again

Oh, and this boy would be happy
Just to love you, but oh my
That boy won't be happy
Till he's seen you cry

This boy wouldn't mind the pain
Would always feel the same
If this boy gets you back again
This boy
This boy
This boy (fade out)"

-- This Boy, by The Beatles
posted by Sinister at 5:23 PM

 
"I Want.... MALCOLM!!!!"
-- Kaelan
posted by Sinister at 4:50 PM

 
(I hope I'll always be enough for you)
I hope I don't unknowingly let you down...
I hope that this will all work out and
everything will finally be right...

it certainly looks more than promising.
no?
posted by Sinister at 4:57 AM