aspie ranting |
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If I seem a little distant or incoherent, it's because I am. I am not a NeuroTypical and I have no desire to become one. This is simply the area in which I stim my creative impulses. (WARNING: All entries are either ENTIRELY TRUE or ENTIRELY FALSE and anything claiming to be one of the latter is, in fact, one of the former. There are no exceptions to this rule.) comments, marriage proposals, and death threats can be sent here 
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Saturday, June 29, 2002
green upside flower drop burn rinse repeat float and crashing down through the pain, window pane plain and ordinary, but it all speaks to me wow... there is stronger stuff than the drugs I was on for being sick... WAY stronger... I'm gonna have to sleep in my chair... wow.. Friday, June 28, 2002
don't mistake my optimism for something new... I'm still hung up on the same 2 girls I have always been... at least I can move somewhere where they won't know my address... *grins* and my roommate... who would have guessed? I miss the days when I had at least two people at all times who understood me at least halfway in my life... well, I think I'm back on track to getting there... Thursday, June 27, 2002
I don't know if I can survive the amount of cough syrup I have to take to stop my cough... I hope the chest x-ray I had yesterday doesn't prove to contain anything too bad... *wants to sigh* it really is getting very hard to breathe... how oddly Crowlean this whole ordeal has been... and how Machiavellian / Malthusian it shall all become.. "I slept with faith and found a corpse in my arms on awakening; I drank and danced all night with doubt and found her a virgin in the morning." -- Aliester Crowley Chapel Perilous once again haunted me but now, I fear beyond all fear, that I am now free Tuesday, June 25, 2002
okay... I'll bite... who is "kc" who signed my guestbook? I recognize the IP, but I don't get the meaning of "kc" "i can't change the way i change but maybe you can change the change and i can't help that the things that help are pushing you away from me and all the times that you told me you were sorry were all the times that I should have been saying I wanna stay consistent and always make sense but that's asking too much and the way i feel right now is crushed. maybe it's not right to yell at you maybe you've done nothing wrong but the fact that you don't like me because i've changed proves that you're a cause you tell me everything will be okay in the end so here's your philosophy: the bad news is it won't be okay. the good news is there is no end to this" -- I'm an Idiot, by The Busdrivers Monday, June 24, 2002
a fundamental supposition that she and I decided to agree upon was this: "every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded." I should have clung to that... do I have a sign on me somewhere (or is it my smell, perhaps) that attracts lesbians? gah... there is only one lesbian I seek. hybrid crossfire hope arrived another anestheticized schoolyard critic admired distrusted amused bemused trusted once and never lived another day after goodbye touched another's soul so deeply and cried and watched her cry and watched her, hooked on speed and trying to disillusion herself to tertiary ramblings frozen by the fire heat and pressure horizon all sky the piece of coal beating in my chest all the heat and pressure but it just becomes a harder piece of coal who will burn me and hold me (squeeze me) until I finally complete the transition to diamond? if there is such a thing as free will, then we have no choice as to if we can have it or not, thus, it must not exist. destiny, I think, would fall under the category of "ignorance is bliss" or in this case, "ignorance is a necessity." if we do not believe in destiny, then perhaps we are destined to believe that and, thus, destiny (and by extension all the things you're destined to do) marches on. if we do believe in destiny, but are ignorant as to what our destiny is, then destiny marches on (just as strongly) because all the things that happen (and are destined to) are (by you) automatically ascribed to destiny. however, and this is a big supposition, so bear (or will my freudian slip produce "bare") with me on this, if you do believe in destiny, and were somehow privy to the information of what your destiny is, then a choice emerges. If such a choice exists, and one chose to defy destiny, then how could destiny exist to begin with? and yet, I can see that I am meant to meet up with her again... but the choice hasn't presented itself yet? (so which monk are you? I think we both know by now...) Sunday, June 23, 2002
"The kitchen is cold but the coffee is warm The sun is coming up The day has just begun and you are already bored You're bored of cheering me up, bored of calming me down, bored of drying my eyes But there was once a time when you were the one You were the blue of the sky You came after the storm You were the switch on the wall in the dark of the hall that I'm still fumbling for Because I'm lost in the black I don't know where I am I have my arms stretched out in front and I'm calling your name just as loud as I can And I know there are things of which we will never speak And the questions can't be answered easily, but I want it to be easy So just nod you head if the plans have changed Shake it love, if they've stayed the same Smile at me and I will stay Start to cry and I'll go away Just please don't leave me guessing So you made me come Then you sent me away like a messenger bird So I circled the earth, blown away in the wind, but I always returned With some new little song Some sad story to tell of a brief love affair with a girl I compared to you and she failed You said you don't want me to beg Then said get down on your knees Because you knew that I would if I'd do any good satisfying your needs And I know all about those things we cannot speak And just so you know, well they don't bother me So you don't have to be worried Just nod your head if the plans have changed Shake it, love if they stay the same Smile at me and I will stay Start to cry and I'll go away Just please don't leave me guessing Shake it love, if some hope remains Say the word and of course I'll stay Roll you eyes and I'll go away, just please don't keep me guessing Please don't leave me waiting" -- Messenger Bird's Song, by Bright Eyes yeah... far too many drugs wow... detached much? yeah, I am... morbid curiosity is eating away at me and another wasted dream is gone love is real? wrong Saturday, June 22, 2002
forget these intangibles... I wish I could keep a damn meal down... at all... this is ridiculous... I haven't had a meal stay down since thursday... and my fever is back... with a vengeance... (my guess... walking pneumonia... again) was it really worth it? I wish I had a reason to have blind faith... well, faith in the future anyway... no, fuck it, faith in anything... Friday, June 21, 2002
she won't even think about me until I'm gone... and it'll be too far for her to find me again. the orbit has decayed. binary (and synergistically, tertiary) extrapolation divides worlds... be prepared for "noon blue apples" Thursday, June 20, 2002
"I had never spoken to her, except for a few casual words and yet her name was like a summons to all my foolish blood." -- James Joyce I think my fever has finally broken... but it could just be morning... and all the awful things I've done (and all the aweful too) are nothing compared to the love I destroyed in you. Tuesday, June 18, 2002
Monday, June 17, 2002
Sunday, June 16, 2002
"Life is a waterfall, We're one in the river, And one again after the fall. Swimming through the void We hear the word, We lose ourselves, But we find it all Cause we are the ones that want to play, Always want to go, But you never want to stay, And we are the ones that want to chose, Always want to play, But you never want to lose. Aerials, in the sky, When you lose small mind, You free your life. Life is a waterfall, We drink from the river, Then we turn around and put up our walls. Swimming through the void We hear the word, We lost ourselves, But we find it all? Cause we are the ones that want to play, Always want to go, But you never want to stay, And we are the ones that want to chose, Always want to play, But you never want to lose. Aerials, in the sky, When you lose small mind, You free your life. Aerials, so up high, When you free your eyes, Eternal prize." -- Aerials, by System of a Down She's my everything help me find my way all will not be forgotten no, not today no, not this way over you, I'll never be no, not ever. But don't feel sorry for me and don't pretend to grieve love is a pitcher plant umbrella over my heart and everything will not be alright so diconnected dissected nobody wants to help me anymore and forgotten downtrodden nobody sees my tortured soul anymore Saturday, June 15, 2002
"Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child�s loss of a doll and a king�s loss of a crown are events of the same size." -- Mark Twain what a disturbingly comforting thought to wake up to... "the" comes from the word "theos" which means God... so if you subtract "the" from "theos" you are left with "OS" -- which is an acronym for "operating system." is this some subtle clue that "God" is simply part of some giant computer running program "Universe?" (and while we're discussing names of things, why is there only "one turn" in Universe?) so, to recap... do we live in a computer running "TheOS" and is "God" simply some subroutine designed to micromanage our "one verse?" haunting... Friday, June 14, 2002
the angel's stare is broken a morse code of clandestine love a cracked code of destined love and destiny speaks to me dumb and done. wow... and the solution just hit me today... what a fucking idiot... it was right in front of my face the whole time. well... that was easy. *pushes a button* NEXT problem please... remember when none of it mattered because we knew who we were meant to be because we found eachother and no other mattered and I was flattered but wouldn't you rather pretend it's all we need to be here, bleed sell a soul as seed and plant for all we'll need but greed is freed and you think you'll need a stockpile of arms or legs a fresh nape or two thousand how many more will it take for you to see what's at stake and every mistake we made and how fake and let's face up to the facts no turning back attack the road ahead and beat this sword into a dagger not half the man I was with you you always gave more credit than due and I believed you knew it was true but I wasn't ready and you weren't too and nothing escapes this gravity well we all fell and as clear as a bell we're on the mend and it doesn't take the end so try to suss out what is going on inside your head it's been fun, but I'm no fun anymore and a new surprise is the same old pain wrapped up in stylish wrapping paper and I'm the paper mostly... disposable, torn to shreds, and little children sell me door to door Thursday, June 13, 2002
I think that I should start using different names for different aspects of my "personality" so that denoting tone and such is not necessary... or not... I could leave you all (you know, all 2 or 3 of you who actually read this regularly) guessing... June 13. Feast Day of St Anthony of Padua, invoked to find objects. He died in 1231 in the odour of sanctity. The bodies of the saints were supposed to give off a perfume which could work miracles and cure diseases and to remain 'uncorrupted'. The church recognised that vampires did not decay either, but insisted there was a difference. This belief in sweetly smelling corpses was borrowed from the Egyptians, whose doggy guardian of the underworld Anubis sniffed people to make sure they could enter. Wednesday, June 12, 2002
so sit right back and watch my final curtain call oblivion's cue and the cue card's stuck on repeat fall and I'm on the exit stage left and the stage left so I take a step out onto the floor and fall down worse than I ever have before I can't trust the skin I'm in nor you nor yours nor anything and when we go our separate ways I'll drag for miles behind you before you'll say that I was just a simple diversion quick perversion nothing real to sink into drown "You high baby? Yeah. Yeah? Talk to me. You want me to tell you something? I know what you want to hear. I know you want me baby, I think I want you too. I think I love you baby. I think I love you too. I'm here to save you girl, come be in shady's world. I want to grow together, let's let our love unfurl. You know you want me baby, you know I want you too. They call me superman; I'm here to rescue you. I want to save you girl, come be in shady's world. Oh boy you drive me crazy. Bitch you make me hurl. They call me superman beat hoes in a single bound. I'm single now, got no ring on this finger now. I'll never let another chick bring me down, in a relationship save it bitch, baby-sit? You make me sick, superman ain't saving shit, girl you can jump on shady's dick. Straight from the hip, cut to the chase, I tell the motherfuckin slut to her face. Play no games, say no names, ever since I broke up with what�s her face. I'm a different man kiss my ass, kiss my lips, bitch why ask, kiss my dick get my cash. I'd rather have you whip my ass, don't put out, I'll put you out. Wont get out, I'll push you out. Puss blew out; popping shit wouldn't piss on fire to put you out. Am I too nice? Buy you ice, bitch if you died wouldn't buy you life. What you trying to be my new wife? What you Mariah? Fly through twice. But I do know one thing though bitches they come they go, Saturday through Sunday, Monday. Monday through Sunday yo. Maybe I'll love you one-day maybe we'll someday grow. Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fucking runway hoe. Cause I can't be your superman, can't be your superman, Can't be your superman, can't be your superman. I can't be your superman, can't be your superman, can't be your superman, your superman, your superman. Don't get me wrong, I love these hoes its no secret, everybody knows. Yeah we fucked, bitch so what that as far as your booty goes We'll be friends, I'll call you again I chase you around every bar you attend you'll never know what kinda car I'll be in. We'll see how much you'll be partying then. You don�t want that; neither do I. I don�t wanna flip when I see you with guys. Too much pride, between you and I not a jealous man but females lie. But I guess that�s just what sluts do. How could it ever be just us two? I'd never love you enough to trust you, we just met and I just fucked you. But I do know one thing though bitches they come they go, Saturday through Sunday, Monday. Monday through Sunday yo. Maybe I'll love you one-day maybe we'll someday grow. Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fucking runway hoe. I know you want me baby, I think I want you too. I think I love you baby. I think I love you too. I'm here to save you girl, come be in shady's world. I want to grow together, let's let our love unfurl. You know you want me baby, you know I want you too. They call me superman; I'm here to rescue you. I want to save you girl, come be in shady's world. Oh boy you drive me crazy. Bitch you make me hurl. ... you want what you cant have oh girl that�s too damn bad don�t touch what you can't grab, end up with two back hands. Put anthrax on a tampax and slap you till you can�t stand. Girl you just ruined your chance, don�t mean to ruin your plans. But I do know one thing though bitches they come they go, Saturday through Sunday, Monday. Monday through Sunday yo. Maybe I'll love you one-day maybe we'll someday grow. Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fucking runway hoe. I know you want me baby, I think I want you too. I think I love you baby. I think I love you too. I'm here to save you girl, come be in shady's world. I want to grow together, let's let our love unfurl. You know you want me baby, you know I want you too. They call me superman; I'm here to rescue you. I want to save you girl, come be in shady's world. Oh boy you drive me crazy. Bitch you make me hurl" -- Superman, by Eminem "an irresistable insanity has landed on my doorstep let me in, let me in..." -- Over And Over, by The Lucy Nation Tuesday, June 11, 2002
I could run all night and you'd never look back right around to back where we started... and you'd never even notice I was gone... "I fell in love with a dream that I built of you playing the part of the Queen. Taking my own advice, I'm giving up tonite. Good luck to you and the King..." -- John Mayer Monday, June 10, 2002
"So what's the difference between us? We can start at the penis Or we can scream, 'I Just Don't Give a Fuck,' and see who means it!" -- Slim Shady in Chronic 2001, by Dr. Dre (featuring Eminem and Xibit) "A little learning is a dangerous thing / Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring." -- Alexander Pope "So quiet another wasted night, the television steals the conversation. Exhale, another wasted breath, again it goes unnoticed. Please tell me that you're just feeling tired cause if its more than that I feel that I might break out of touch, out of time. Please send me anything but signals that are mixed, cause I can read your rolling eyes. out of touch, are we out of time? Close lipped another good night kiss is robbed of all its passion. Your grip, another time is slack it leaves me feeling empty. Please tell me that you're just feeling tired cause if its more than that I feel that I might break out of touch, out of time. Please send me anything but signals that are mixed, cause I can read your rolling eyes. out of touch, are we out of time? I'll wait until tomorrow maybe you'll feel better then, maybe we'll be better then. So what's another day when I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you. This mood of yours is temporary and it seems worth the wait to see you smile again. Out of the corner of my eye won't be the only way you're looking at me then. So quiet another wasted night, the television steals the conversation. Exhale, another wasted breath, again it goes unnoticed." -- Again I Go Unnoticed, by Dashboard Confessional "She said, 'don't, don't let it go to your head, boys like you are a dime a dozen. Boys like you are a dime a dozen' she said. You're a touch over rated. You're a lush. And I hate it. but these grass stains on my knees they won't mean a thing All I need to know is that I'm something that you're missing. Maybe I should hate you for this. never really did ever quite get that far. � the truth is You could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt. And all I need to know is that I'm something that you're missing. Maybe I should hate you for this. never really did ever quite get that far. Maybe I should hate you for this. never really did ever quite get that ... Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions, and this will be the last chance you'll get to drop my name. Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intensions, and this will be the last chance you'll get to drop my name. I'm if just bad news, then you're a liar" -- You're So Last Summer, by Taking Back Sunday "It must be Evil, Jaron... he is coming to take you away." "well, then shouldn't you swim out and say hello -- aren't you two brothers or something?" "Well that fragile happiness Keeps me from forgetting That this fragile happiness Keeps me afloat when I'm sinking The first generation Caused such a sensation Gave all an elation ... But that fragile happiness Stops the nightmares when I'm sleeping And where catholic's confess From my guilt there's no escaping" -- Fragile Happiness, by Super Furry Animals "You're such a delicate boy In the hysterical realm Of an emotional landslide In physical terms." -- Cherry Lips, by Garbage I hope nothing happens today... I know it's not my place, but I heard you on the phone... no... you know what? it is my place. there's no law against false hope... Saturday, June 08, 2002
did you know that I have a picture of you that I carry around with me... and whenever I start to question the world and its intentions, I look at it... it calms me and makes me comfortably paranoid... "there's a problem i can't solve it the only way out is too hard now theres another one when this ones gone can't send it along can't send it along and it's all i've got and it's not enough and it's time to reason out my mind it's a problem soon forgotten catching up with me and talking other heroes so-called perfect life can't send it along and this time moves along and it's all i've got and its not enough and it's time to reason out my mind thinking of ways to keep my time form running out thinking of ways to keep my pride from running out so many reasons i can give for running out keep my head down but i still know you cant send it along and its all i've got and its not enough and its time to reason out my mind and it's all i've got and its not enough and it's time to reason out my mind you can't send it along" -- Solved, by Unbelieveable Truth Friday, June 07, 2002
"It took a long time for me to get over Your incredible ways And now I'm minded to wipe out the memory Of the way you behaved You're a receptacle For the respectable I took some time out to study your actions Of how you painted towns red And if my worse fears came to fruition I'm sure you'd leave us all dead I was so gullible But now I'm cynical We're all susceptible To the incredible Tell me, tell me, tell me again Coz it's very inane Are you pleased to see me suffer ever? Tell me, tell me, explain your game Coz its very inane Are you pleased to see me suffer ever? Tell me, tell me, tell me again Coz it's very inane Are you pleased to see me suffer ever? Tell me, tell me, explain your game Coz its very inane Are you pleased to see me suffer ever? Welcome as a storm cloud in the late December gloom Subtle as a nail bomb in the head You came to me in peace And left me in pieces Ooooh... Receptacle for the respectable Receptacle" -- Receptacle For The Respectable, Super Furry Animals "...Been thinking about you, and there's no rest Should I still love you, still see you in bed But I'm playing with myself What do you care when the other men are far, far better? All the things you got, all the things you need I bought you cigarettes, and pried the company to come and see you, honey I've been thinking about you, so how can you sleep? Those people aren't your friends, they're paid to kiss your feet They don't know what I know. Why should you care when I'm not there? Been thinking about you, and there's no rest Should I still love you, still see you in bed But I'm playing with myself What do you care when I'm not there? All the things you got that you'll never need all the things you got I bled and I bleed to please you Been thinking about you..." -- Thinking About You, Radiohead and you wouldn't even have the convictions to stop me... you'd shrug it off like everything else I've ever done... no wonder (in the dream) I kept ending up mostly naked everytime we went out into public... and you were always putting on a dress and pushing past me to get inside... but when we were alone, you made me feel like you were melting yourself with me and that we were completely in love... but, that was all an illusion, obviously... even in my dreams I can't.... why is it you...? why can't I get you out of my fucking head...? why, in my dreams, do you make me feel everything and more...? I wish Taylor was here... maybe she could help. "I am the key to the lock in your house, that keeps your toys in the basement And if you get too far inside, you'll only see my reflection It's always best when the light is off, I am the pick in the ice Do not cry out or hit the alarm, we're friends till we die And either way you turn, I'll be there, open up your skull I'll be there, climbing up the walls It's always best when the light is off, it's always better on the outside Fifteen blows to the back of my head, fifteen blows to your mind So tuck the kids in safe tonight, shut the eyes in the cupboard So not cry out or hit the alarm, you'll get the loneliest feeling That either way you turn, I'll be there, open up your skull I'll be there, climbing up the walls Climb up the walls. climb up the walls" -- Climbing Up The Walls, by Radiohead it's all too easy for you to watch me walk away... unless you stop me this time, I might wander too far away to find my way back... so... you think YOU fuckin' know what numb is? silly girls numbing out with silly drugs... fuck that... you don't fucking love me like I love you... I'd be a fool to think you ever did... just another play for attention? bored now? well, you can love your attention... all that other attention you've always wanted... and as for the rest of you... you needn't bother thinking this is a cry for attention... or even to try to talk to me anymore... from now on, I'm alone in the world... Wednesday, June 05, 2002
it'll never be just me... I'm never enough. you always come close, but you never come easy... paper cup love affair drowing in the garbage heap I decompose a love song why is it suddenly so wrong? "Cause once I snap I can't be held accountable for my actions and that's when accidents happen..." -- Amityville, by Eminem I had not expected fear, but terror came with her and though I sought a dying moment, she showed me a dying eternity and though I sought to bring wisdom into the real, she tore the real from me and I was no more, and in unbeing, I lost my fear. Tuesday, June 04, 2002
you know... it's easy to appreciate Eminem when you're angry... but way more fun when you're happy... "Hey yo dawg I got some shit on my motherfuckin chest that I need to get off cause, if I don't I'ma fuckin explode, or somethin Now look - this is a story about some little fuckin girls that I know It goes like this.. It's so easy for me to make enemies any more it's sickening People are lookin for an excuse to jump on my shitlist Stickin their noses in shit that isn't none of their business I never asked, cared, gave a fuck, or wanted opinions Now I'm in the position that, I don't wanna be in - shit I never had no beef with your corny son of a bitches But now the shit is broke and you can't do nothin to fix it ..... And I dare you motherfuckers to try to diss me back That's a sissy act, and don't call me kissin my ass Cause I swear to God this ain't just a song I'm tryin to pre-warn you ..... Now I don't ask nobody to share my beliefs, to be involved in my beefs I'm a man, I can stand on my feet So if you don't wanna be in 'em all I ask is that you don't open your mouth with an opinion and I won't put you in 'em Cuz I don't ask nobody to share my beliefs, to be involved in my beefs I'm a man, I can stand on my feet So if you don't wanna be in 'em all I ask is that you don't open your mouth with an opinion and I won't put you in 'em" -- Girls, by Eminem w/D12 Monday, June 03, 2002
*squirms* who the fuck put all these nets here? was it really me? I'm all tangled up in these fucking mamallian roles, rules, sets, and feedback loops... thanks to Jaron, of all people, who lent me his eyes last night so that I might see some more of myself as trapped... it's the only thing that seems to be allowing me to try to fix the biggest problems I'm having... and the obvious metaphor is... we were watching the geese on that lake... if only I had a bottle... ah well... it's steam engine time when it steam engines... "If you are timid enough to stop with what is natural, Nature will elude your grasp forever." -- Sade "these cells of the inner self are worse than the deepest stone dungeon and as long as they are locked all your revolution remains only a prison mutiny to be put down by corrupted fellow prisoners " -- Marat/Sade Sunday, June 02, 2002
something split today... my mind forced a schism that my brain isn't quite ready for. I want to make a quantum jump, but I don't have the power left to do it. I need to find a new source... new energies to acquire that will make it possible. took a step back to be here... lost my footing... fell... lost sight of the star... "You must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." -- Friedrich Nietzsche in the search for knowledge, especially arcane, one must be wary of all things esoteric as they might lead one to try esoterrorism... "Why do you look when you�ve already found it? What did you find that could leave you walking by? ... Why do you look when you�ve already found me? What did you find that could leave you walking by? These nights I get high just from breathing. When I lie here with you I�m sure that I�m real, like that firework over the freeway. I could stay here all day but that�s not how you feel. ... And what did I do that you can�t seem to want me? Why do we lie here and whisper goodbyes? Where can I go that your pictures won�t haunt me? What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?" -- Walking By, by Something Corporate "When you think too much And you came to another game Despondent out of touch And you reach so hard it makes you fall For these hands that let you go That shouldn't let you go at all that shouldnt let you go at all no not at all I don't know what its like to be you babe but from the looks I don't think I want to and I know I've been hanging on tight so maybe it just might mean I want you yeah babe I want you You know what I mean When I say that I come from a place that hurts You fit in my scene And try to make everything work You watch me turn green I come down, yeah but I might never land You said you'd understand But you don't want to be there When it goes down again ... If I got this far driving in my car and Then I started holding on to these I couldn't keep And the wise ass called me faggot But I feel more like a creep and these things creep I watch them creep and I dont get no sleep And I don't know what it's like to take it slow and from the feel I don't think I want to no I dont want to and I now know And I know that it seems I'm Letting go And things I know, I know would haunt you and I don't want to haunt you You know what I mean When I say that I come from a place that hurts You fit in my scene And try to make everything work You watch me turn green I come down, yeah but I might never land You said you'd understand But you don't want to be there When it goes down again" -- When It Goes Down, by Something Corporate "I can't imagine all the people that you know and the places that you go when the lights are turned down low and I don't understand all the things you've seen but i'm slipping inbetween you and your big dreams it's always you in my big dreams and you tell me that it's over wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers and your restless, and i'm naked you've gotta get out you can't stand to see me shaking no could you let me go? I didn't think so and you don't wanna be here in the future so you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past and you don't wanna look much closer cuz your afraid to find out all this hope you had sent into the sky by now had crashed and it did because of me and then you bring me home afraid to find out that you're alone and i'm sleeping in your living room but we don't have much room to live I had these dreams that i learned to play guitar maybe cross the country become a rock star and there was hope in me that i could take you there but dammit you're so young well i don't think i care and if i hurt you then i'm sorry please don't think that this was easy then you bring me home cuz we both know what it's like to be alone and i'm dreaming in your living room but we don't have much room to live and konstantine is walking down the stairs doesn't she look good standing in her underwear and i was thinking what i was thinking we've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere ... when the first star you see may not be a star I'm not your star isn't that what you said what you thought this song meant and if this is what it takes just to lie in my mistakes and live with what i did to you and all the hell I put you through I always catch the clock it's 11:11 and now you want to talk it's not hard to dream you'll always be my konstantine konstantine, they'll never hurt you like i do no they'll never hurt you like i do no, no, no no no no no no this is to a girl who got into my head with all the pretty things she did hey you know you keep me up in bed this is to a girl who got into my head with all the fucked up things i did hey maybe baby you could keep me up in bed my Konstantine spin around me like a dream we played out on this movie screen and i said did you know i missed you? (x7) oh god i miss you and then you bring me home and we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no no and you'll kiss me in your living room i know you'll miss me in your living room cuz these nights i think maybe that i'll miss you in my living room we don't have much room i said does anybody need that room? because we all need a little more room to live" -- Konstantine, by Something Corporate I need to stop fooling myself into thinking that people can possibly understand me -- how I'm feeling, what I'm saying, what I do... and now, she's gone... they're all gone... again, but for the last time. and none of them care enough to stop me... Saturday, June 01, 2002
you do wonders for my self esteem... nothing's wrong, I mean... sometimes I feel like I'm being naive, to think that you won't leave... then I look in your eyes and they suck me in deep like black holes in the sky and suddenly, I can sleep. I've gotta believe we can work this out and I 've gotta believe we can scream and shout "I love you" and mean it in the deepest way no matter what other people will say... I love you. |
faeries have died because YOU haven't been clapping hard enough.