aspie ranting |
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If I seem a little distant or incoherent, it's because I am. I am not a NeuroTypical and I have no desire to become one. This is simply the area in which I stim my creative impulses. (WARNING: All entries are either ENTIRELY TRUE or ENTIRELY FALSE and anything claiming to be one of the latter is, in fact, one of the former. There are no exceptions to this rule.) comments, marriage proposals, and death threats can be sent here 
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Wednesday, June 27, 2001
So, in my current vein of life threatening endeavours, I am going out with my cousin and her (fucking hot) female friends again on friday night. One of them really wants me... should be interesting seeing as how I have a girlfriend waiting for me back in the US. "The truth is only good until it gets found out..." okay, so my relatives were right about the dangers of clubbing with my cousin... I jumped out of a fucking plane and landed on my feet safely, but I go out in the evening with my cousin and flew through the air and managed to land on my knee and bash it up quite well. So, to recap the day of my jump et al: jumped from a plane and landed perfectly, went out (and admittedly drank a little... hehe) and took most of the skin off of my right knee along with a big chunk from my right hand. blood is my friend. Thursday, June 21, 2001
okay, so on saturday, after my jump, my cousin has invited me to join her and some of her female friends to go out drinking, etc. I'm a little concerned that when I told people here that I'd be sky-diving they said something along the lines of "good on ya..." Yet, when I told them I'm going out with my cousin they all said something along the lines of (and most verbatim) "BE CAREFUL!!!" *grins* this should be interesting... Wednesday, June 20, 2001
"And she cut all the strings that I tied to her wings Leave it be, in the dark..." -- The Wallflowers, Another One in the Dark Some of the best time I've spent on this trip so far is the time when I am doing such remedial things and my mind can wander. I've been thinking a lot about some of the strangest things, and dwelling entirely too much on the past in the process. I think I've figured some things out a bit better than I previously thought, but that is a bit more disturbing than anything else. I've also been mulling on how some people can hold a grudge for so long and how much hate they hold on to just to get through their day. And how many intellectual murders occur simply because so few people are willing to listen, actually listen, to what other people have to say. I don't like thinking about that because it seems all so sad and I lose faith in people (which, incidentally isn't so bad because I have entirely too much to begin with) as a whole. I think I'm all the more frustrated, but I'm figuring out ways to get past some of it with some people... can't keep up with the world around me, couldn't give up until you could see, that you don't ever fall in love because it's already all around you... and sometimes, it's safest to just curl up in a ball at night and cry... for some reason, as of late, I have an extreme feeling of worry which has tinged my perception of some things which I have read... usually, that feeling is right... Thursday, June 14, 2001
On this trip, I have been writing more than I usually do. I can't seem to get to sleep without writing at least 3 pages -- poetry or prose. Must have something to do with knowing something... and, I will very much enjoy arriving home several hours before I left... and for anyone who is curious, the timezone I currently inhabit is 17 hours ahead of the timezone I usually inhabit. (10pm LA time 6/13/2001 -- 3pm Sydney time 6/14/2001) I'd call people, but by the time I get home most days, it's too late... sorry... I will keep trying. Wednesday, June 13, 2001
"If I could have sex with any woman in the world, I *pauses in thought* would." -- Russell Potter *giggles* you know, I think I see some family resemblance... Tuesday, June 12, 2001
missing the US... considerably less access to internet than I hoped, but I'll make a serious effort... on saturday 23 june, I will be hurled out of a plane and plummet toward the earth... fun! I miss being home, but I am loving this trip. I love you more each moment. back to work... Thursday, June 07, 2001
Gone until July 1st... Updates (if any) will be infrequent at best... I may have access to email, so if you like then mail me... I love you, 5. I'm gonna miss you like a part of me... no, not like a part of me; you are a part of me... *smiles* keep trying to formulate the *_____* and please email... goodbye all... (and if my plane should crash, then know that my last thought was of you...) *worries* I hope you don't get into trouble... for being late... for being with me... for being... I love you, be safe... the night (this night) is infinite love in a moment but one question remains... How do you feel (about me)? And the world lies about it making as if it had got his message even though it is poetry but most of the world wishing it could just forget about him and his awful strange prophecies Along with all the other strange things he said about the world which where all too true and which made them fear him more than they loved him though he spoke much of love Along with all the alarms he sounded which turned out to be false if only for the moment all of which made them fear his tongue more than they loved him Though he spoke much of love and never lived by 'silence exile & cunning' and was a conscientious objector to the deaths we daily give each other though we speak much of love An effect of Rembrandt an effect of Turner The air is shaken with light the crickets begin again on a heavy summer night Empty house on a horizon Two faces casting shadows as one (the one lost sight of the two) And touching, bleeding souls bleeding together blurring the line between love, perfection, and time alone. Hers was a face which no amount of darkness (or moonlight) could kill in that instant. I whisper "I love you..." all night availed to smiles. Then she would smile and look away. Sigh, smile, and rise and stretch her sweet anatomy... sometimes, against me... Wednesday, June 06, 2001
There are different wells within your heart.
In one well
That "love" is literally something of yourself,
Your love
Only someone
To weave them into a blanket
There are different wells within us.
Others are far, far too deep
5
All your images of winter
I understand the wounds
They exist
To allow you to forgive
Lying in your arms
Your wounds of love can only heal
5 Forget all about your desires for truth,
Both our hearts are meant to sing.
5 When
That reveals your heart's
Of emptiness
That is the time to try to listen
Most want
Say. 5 Tuesday, June 05, 2001
To the girl that is all three: Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
Causing the world to weep
stay out of it... this time, I'm serious. What unspeakable wonders must await with
What excitement will renew your body
5 I know, dear love, that my eyes will paint you more from my (biased) heart than any lens of reason... but what could be better? 5 Monday, June 04, 2001
Something
Otherwise it would not let you near
I can lean the flame in my heart
And turn
5 There is a private chamber in the soul
Nor wants to. 5 Sunday, June 03, 2001
Here am I come perforce my love of her, Behold mine adoration Maketh me clear, and there are powers in this Which, played on by the virtues of her soul, Break down the four-square walls of standing time. 5 The sad bit about the people who sign this guestbook is that they seem to go out of their way to spread hate and anger. If you don't want anything to do with me, then why not simply stop visiting this site and its guestbook? If you are concerned about (or simply enjoy pointing out) me inflating my ego, then why give me so much attention (even of a negative nature -- attention is attention)? It would seem to me that the people signing are looking for more attention than they even accuse me of looking for. Signing with (rather mundane) sobriquets is, psychologically speaking, a cry out for someone to spend the time and energy to track you down and figure out who you "really are." And the person(s) who sign(s) with "Die" seems to have left the longest entry, to date, in this guestbook; staking out real-estate in a rather "look at me" fashion. If you truly hate me enough to wish me "vanish," then why spend all the time and effort to say goodbye just to retract it in the last two sentences? Why not just take yourself out of my life? And, to date, not a single one of the reprehensible things said about me (at least in the guestbook) has been supported by any examples or evidence. Simply saying that someone is "evil" and "bad bad bad" no more makes them "evil" or "bad bad bad" than the word "water" quenches your thirst. Also, it may be a wise idea to consider the source of these diatribes... (side note: thank you to * for keeping an open mind) In fourteen-hundred and eighty five, Columbus landed here alive, but fourteen hundred and ninety two is a ruse some spanish pope did do. apparently... "I'm in your movie, And everyone looks sad, I can hear you, your voice in the laugh track But you never saw my best scene The one where I sleep, Sleepwalk into your dream." -- The Wallflowers, Sleepwalker "Now the bells of curfew, They may ring before I'm through..." -- The Wallflowers, I've Been Delivered Saturday, June 02, 2001
"auburn is a color you shit-head" -- entry #90 in this site's guestbook well, to that I can only respond with: "Venienti occurite morbo." -- Persius "I beg you my friendly critics, Do not set about to procure me an audience." -- Ezra Pound the irony of this seems fitting in light of the recent guestbook banter... "There is room at the top, they are telling you still But first you must learn how to smile as you kill." -- John Lennon, Working Class Hero |
faeries have died because YOU haven't been clapping hard enough.