aspie ranting |
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If I seem a little distant or incoherent, it's because I am. I am not a NeuroTypical and I have no desire to become one. This is simply the area in which I stim my creative impulses. (WARNING: All entries are either ENTIRELY TRUE or ENTIRELY FALSE and anything claiming to be one of the latter is, in fact, one of the former. There are no exceptions to this rule.) comments, marriage proposals, and death threats can be sent here 
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Wednesday, May 30, 2001
Her eyes explored me, engaging with satieties my soul among a myriad paramours. "It rests me to be among beautiful women." Why should I lie about such matters? Why am I warned? Why am I sent away? Why is your glitter full of curious mistrust? The wind blows above the trees rustling a symphony of xanthic hues with an auburn crashing, a thin war of ideals. You'd have men's hearts rise from dust... I love you, you have turned me out. Suddenly discovering in the eyes of this very beautiful unspoken love The eyes of a very learned explorer. I long for you to take me... "take me," he said... and went to his doom. (5) Much to my chagrin so this guestbook's diatribes appear to continue in light of obvious logical (as well as grammatical) errors. The next episode(s): E#9 wrote: i cant be bothered to continue an argument with you. i wasn't here for a pseudo-intellectual conversation. Instead, to put it in layman's terms, I wanted to tell you that Ithink you're an overrated asshole who thinks far too highly of himself and uses the insecurities and weaknesses of others to inflate his ego. better? in order: 1) The irony inherent in your first sentence should amuse me, but it appears a little more disheartening. 2) Your observation (though I am wary of using that word because it implie objectivity; perhaps a word such as subservation) is noted in the guestbook (twice now) and, as yet, has not been substantiated with any evidence -- truthful or otherwise. 3) no. You still make unfounded claims and, much like a scientist who doesn't particularly know what he's doing, seem to not only beg the question, but also to simply restate the leitmotiv when asked to expound upon any idea within it. Next... E finite wrote: amazing how everyone thinks you're pathetic..they must be right *acquire a patronizing tone* amazing how some people assume a burden of omniscience to the point of having to sign a guestbook with content on what "everyone thinks." actually, on a rereading (with a grammatical filter), I noticed that your sentence (as constructed) consists of a diatribe against "how everyone thinks." Perhaps you meant to write something like "Amazing that everyone thinks you're pathetic.." *discards patronizing tone* I don't mind the insults about me -- I do it myself from time to time -- but please at least don't put yourself in a position of ignorance right from the start. one last thing... to the person(s) signing with "Die." I am about as much of a proponent of free speech as most anyone, but could you please refrain from repeating it. Once is enough to get the message. And some people have complained... Thank You. Tuesday, May 29, 2001
my, how my ventricles do palpitate so... It is noble to die of love, and honourable to remain uncuckolded for a season... *bathes in happiness* "I'm taking you." something so simple, but so meaningful... this could be the start of a wonderful friendship... Monday, May 28, 2001
"Charming people live up to the very edge of their charm, and behave just as outrageously as the world allows." -- Logan Pearsall Smith, Afterthoughts, pg.3. I've never had what one would call "normal" emotions. Don't get me wrong, I know what they are; I see them on the faces and in the eyes of most everyone I've met, but I don't think that I've ever experienced what they have. It seems so much more, well, scripted when I feel something. I don't feel these binding and flooring emotions that people so often describe; I just seem to replay what I see other people do when they react to their emotions. Maybe that makes me shallow or maybe it's just a lie to myself, but I can sit back and watch these "emotions" play out in my head... and it's all so calculated. I know how people react to things, and I sometimes let these scripted emotional scenes play out to get them to do things or even just to make them feel more comfortable with certain situations. Now I have, at some points, experienced what I percieved as "real" emotions. I've experienced love and anger and hate and such, but some subtlety of the others is lost. I don't think I've ever experienced the robust flavour of an overwhelming admiration or the light sting of guilt. Am I missing anything terribly exciting, though? Sunday, May 27, 2001
showing weakness, or rather not hiding anymore, is a sign of trust... don't abuse it. and maybe I'll show some more... you never know... you have my attention... you also have my trust... you have the keys to the doors of your mind, but I'm not looking to get in -- I just wanna help you along... I love you. I'd be glad to tell you everything and more... so much I could learn from you. we're good for eachother, don't give that up because they think you should... they'd have you live in their kingdom of the blind but you're ready oh, you're ready for the next evolution... you're ready so let's do our revolution... The normal or average human lives in substandard housing in Asia, has 1.04 vaginas, cannot read or write, suffers from malnutrition and never heard of Silken Thomas Fitzgerald or Brian Boru. The normal consists of a null set which nobody and nothing really fits. "Blue costumes are real. Guns are real. Cars with bubble-gum machines on top are real. Cops are a social fiction." -- Hagbard Celine "Psychopaths are as human as anyone. They're psychopaths because they are more sensitive than anyone.... They can't stand pain of any sort, that's why they let it roll off their backs." -- Joseph Fredricks Saturday, May 26, 2001
to find enlightenment (or one way of finding it...) in three steps... Step 1) Divide the universe by itself. Step 2) The remainder is the sum of all total minds minus yours. Step 3) enjoy. *smiles* Staring up
praying
release
cry out
"I wish I was a baby, I wish I was dead... Cold Turkey has got me on the run..." -- John Lennon, Cold Turkey Thursday, May 24, 2001
*smiles* So, this Kaycee girl that so many people seem to have loved and cared so much about doesn't actually exist. I find this most amusing... in fact, this actually made me feel happy for the first time in days... The only disappointment of this scam was that it was not as eloquently constructed as previous hoaxes... such as Nicholas Bourbaki. Simply one more example of how we create our reality... now, I did not have the good fortune to get wrapped up in this story, but I do know some people who did... some people who put up memorial pages for her... all I can say is how much it makes me smile... So, then, the next question is: How do you know if I actually exist? and if I do exist to you, then who's to say you didn't create me out of some paranoid mentality? Question everything... Don't just accept your reality for what it is, or it might turn out to be what it isn't... *winks* Lack of updates is due to my computer not being in working order... Not sure if I can remedy that anytime soon (as in the next few months) as I am broke... email and AIM is also an unsure future... and I leave for Australia on 9 June. Monday, May 21, 2001
All the fears in the big wide world and all the love you never unfurled You never tried to set me free I never found a way to me I never found that way to be... home... see, this is precisely why I ask for help with lyrics... *sigh* this song's only saving grace so far is the chord progression... What may be (some hope) the final installment of the guestbook debaucher *grins at his choice of words*... E#9 wrote: my word choice was incorrect, Galileo did not prove or disprove Copernicus's theory, and he certainly did not discover it. It was on the other hand, one of the major conflicts of his lifetime because it put him out of favor with the Catholic church. (See the first several chapters of "Galileo's Daughter") It was to this I was making reference, but you are welcome to argue each and every word. 1) Word choice had little to do with submitting an idea that, even with sufficient word choice, would make little sense. 2) Arguing a moot point does not enhance your original "criticism" of me. 3) Citing references, especially when used out of context, is generally a good idea to avoid possibly sounding foolish. 4) You seem to have avoided an attempt to refute my position of perception being the main difference between being a "challenge to the fundamental beliefs of a society," and (in an odd conglomeration of words) having "pompous egoims [sic]." 5) Correct grammar, word choice, and spelling are generally helpful when engaging in (pseudo)intellectual banter. And, to help you (perhaps) make your point, you may wish to consider the fundamental differences in the words "egoism" (which I presume is what you meant to type) and "egotism." Whereas I openly admit the former, the latter does not seem to present itself. If you disagree, then please feel free to point out (and cite) evidence of such. Also, pairing the word "pompous" with egoism makes little sense which leads me to believe that you perhaps meant egotism. shall we stay on topic in future? *grins* Sunday, May 20, 2001
The more George-W-Bush-isms I read, the more I chuckle because so few people who quote them can remember that his father was prone to spouting a few odd phrases... "You're not going to see me put as much -- I mean un-put as much." "You can't be president of the United States if you don't have faith. Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can't be. And we are blessed. So don't feel sorry for -- don't cry for me Argentina." -- George Bush, Sr. funny, this guestbook flamer seems to be taking over the bulk of spacetime in my weblog... ah, well, Nature imitates Art... *chuckles* E#9 wrote: I obviously did not make myself clear. By comparing your situation to those of Galileo and Copernicus, you compare yourself to them, you put yourself on their level. My point was that this is not the same situation, the divide between being told that you are a heretic because you challenge the fundamental beliefs of a society (Galileo's discovery that the universe does not in fact revolve around the Earth) and someone criticizing your pompous egoims is huge. Hmm... Firstly, you made yourself quite clear and, in turn, proved my point. Secondly, it might be good to know about a subject before pretensiously spouting inaccuracies. Galileo neither discovered, invented nor proved Copernicus' heliocentric theory. Thirdly, though I made myself quite clear about your logical fallacy, I shall reiterate... I did not compare my situation to that of those revolutionaries; I compared the mindset of the people who call other people stupid, especially only because the name-callers cannot understand. Fourthly, the "divide" you speak of is nothing more than a (very) mutable imaginary line based on the perception of the observer... I'm sure the people of Galieo's time pointed out his "pompous egoims [sic]," and also that they weren't terribly aware of just what he was saying. Fifthly, please note that nowhere in this response did I compare myself to Galileo, et al. Also, please note, I did not label anybody stupid, lacking anything, or any other derogatory term... and if you think I called anyone pretensious, then please reread what I actually wrote. Saturday, May 19, 2001
further tales of the guestbook... E#9 wrote: you are neither galileo nor copernicus, so do not make those comparisons well, obviously I appear closer than you as I did not read more into what I wrote than was there... I did not say anything about myself as related to those revolutionaries; I merely compared the people who said I was stupid to the people who said that those revolutionaries were stupid. you know, if you (any of the Es) email me, we could better facilitate this argument perhaps by making you a member of the weblog for a while... Friday, May 18, 2001
sentencious pretentiousness, doused in dour dolor, aroused among adulterous adders who, whence removed, revile... in response to the "E"s who signed my guestbook... yes, many people have told me that I am stupid... they were the same type of people who told Copernicus that he was stupid, and Galileo, and Albert Einstein, and Socrates, and Nikola Tesla... odd, though, how they tolerated (and went along with) Emperor Norton, though... "convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies." -- Nietzsche "convictions cause convicts..." -- Principia Discordia "now that I'm alone again, I can't stop breaking down again. The simplest things set me of again and take me to that place where I can't find my brave face..." -- Paul McCartney, My Brave Face another dour thought pumping through my mind... The quality of mercy is very strained; it drippeth like the pus from chancre Thursday, May 17, 2001
to the keeper who tends the llama cage... I should not lose any credibility simply because I do not slavishly follow ecclesiastical conventions... Wednesday, May 16, 2001
drowning in the cup, the wand stirs none about, through the pentacle I am slain by the sword... (anyone who finds the hidden meaning in my seemingly "depressed" or "angsty" poem shall win a prize...) Human games can be well defined by answering these questions... 1) What roles are being played? 2) What rules are tacitly accepted by all players 3) What strategies are there for winning (or for masochistic winning-by-losing)? 4) What are the goals of the game and the purpose served? 5) What is the language of the game, and the world-view implied? 6) What characteristic space-time locations exist? 7) What are the characteristic movements in space-time? if you can't describe those seven dimensions of a group's behaviour, you don't understand their game. Most so-called "neurosis" is best analyzed as somebody programmed to play football wandering around in a baseball field. If he thinks football is the only game in the universe, the other players will seem perverse or crazy to them; if they think baseball is the only game, he'll seem crazy to them. "Larvals do not like to receive information unless the facts fit into their 3rd Circuit reality net and immediately reward their emotional status. Democrats were delighted to hear the facts about Nixon, but Republicans were irritated and resistant." "Communicating with a larval involves building onto the net of associations. You must literally wire each new idea to an existing neural connection. Larvals learn almost no new symbol systems after childhood. They simply add on or translate into symbols closely connected to the imprint." "Larvals may be bored by and may tune-out Circuit 3 symbols which do not fit their imprints and conditioned networks. But Circuit 4 moral symbols or behaviors which are sensed as different trigger off responses of passion and even violence. Because of this philosophic sensitivity, yokel humans tend to avoid philosophic discussions. This phobia can cause painful reactions when a post-larval attempts to discuss exo-psychology with a mundane." "Post-larvals emit vibrations which sometimes disturb yokels and other times seduce them into a temporary abandonment of philosophic repressions." sound like anyone you know? -- Dr. Timothy Leary Ph.D (all quotes) Tuesday, May 15, 2001
Monday, May 14, 2001
Businessmen hope to clone Dracula A group of US businessmen have announced plans to clone Dracula by digging up the body of Vlad the Impaler who inspired Bram Stoker's original novel. The businessmen say the cloning plan will solve once and for all the mystery of Dracula. ~~~ seems to me that not only could this money be perhaps put to more pressing matters on this planet, but also that while people can say that they know cloning someone doesn't bring them back as they were personality-wise, some people can hope... oh, and why are they going to the trouble to dig up somebody (granted it is one of my favourite historical figures, which amuses me) with such a rare condition to clone him and work on the cure when, I'm almost sure, there must be someone in the world alive who has this condition... though it might be hard to find someone more inbred than Eurasian royalty. *grins impudently* "If you're ready to share your life with someone special, emotional security is foremost in your mind. If an encounter feels cozy, even the strongest Scorpio will become submissive. Friendships are capable of fulfilling many of your needs now. You won't miss many clues, but you still won't know whether the relationship will be unusual or confusing. Relationships require much understanding now." -- my horoscope apropos... no? Saturday, May 12, 2001
Friday, May 11, 2001
The more I meditate on the nature of work, the more I see that work is the equivalent of Ezra Pound's "contra naturam" line in his Cantos. We kill people in the sixfigure range (at least) in order to sell Big Macs and Cadillacs to the survivors. Four emotional dramas (games) people play: Intimidators steal energy from others by threat. Interrogators steal it by judging and questioning. Aloof people attract attention (and energy) to themselves by playing coy. Poor me's make us feel guilty and responsible for them. An unconscious competition for energy underlies all conflicts. By dominating or manipulating others, we get the extra energy we think we need. Sure, it feels good - but both parties are damaged in the conflict. Upon thinking of one of my most amazing friends I decided to adapt a line of Kipling's, 'She does not know Love who only Love knows.' I have found in practice that nothing is more violent than peace movements. You know, when you get a pacifist on the rampage, nobody can be more emotionally bound and intolerant and full of hatred. The problem with preaching is that the preacher assumes a role of moral superiority when one is not inherent... thus, they lose credibility. *looks around him and points to everyone he knows as an example* *goes and looks in a mirror and points at himself once, realizes that pointing and anyone (including himself) requires another pointing, so smiles at his infinite regress* Wednesday, May 09, 2001
Tuesday, May 08, 2001
"We must discover new frontiers... People have been standing for centuries before a worm-eaten door, making pinholes in it with increasing ease. The time has come to kick it down, for it is only on the other side that everything begins." -- Raoul Vaneigem comes the afternoon, I shall look into your glowing eyes. comes the sunset, I shall sit with you weeping into my hands while you cast me off. comes the full moon, I shall run with all the intentions of returning. comes the twilight, the shadows shall be eclipsed by the first light of the morrow casting lifeless light upon my cold heart. comes the dawn, and I shall be gone... sockets filled once with eyes like yours all always is it better too soon than never are you ripe at last? How do we know if the universe is getting bigger or the objects in it are getting smaller? You can't say that the universe is getting bigger in relation to anything outside it, because there isn't any outside for it to relate to. There isn't any outside. But if the universe doesn't have an out-side, then it goes on forever. Yeah, but, its in-side doesn't go on forever. The universe is the inside without an outside... Monday, May 07, 2001
for rachel: "that we can call these delicate creatures ours, but not their appetites..." -- William Shakespeare have a good week... so many questions, I notice, can be so simply answered by complete faith... you know, another name for "complete faith" is dogmatism... seems to me this gnosis is about as universal as gravity; when you start looking you find it everywhere... for rach: "Those who know all, but are lacking in themselves, are utterly lacking." "Congratulations to you when you are hated and persecuted; and no place will be found, wherever you have been persecuted." "Congratulations to those who have been persecuted in their hearts: they are the ones who have truly come to know the Father." all quotes -- Jesus Cainism, basically, says that Cain is a specifically holy figure because he was the first murderer. The notion is that, by bringing murder into the world, Cain created an opportunity for people to renounce murder. So (some) Cainites glorify murder, along with all other sins. The credo is that you should commit every sin possible, just to give yourself a chance to win a really difficult redemption after repenting. Also, it gives God a chance to be especially generous when He forgives you. Nice, huh? Sunday, May 06, 2001
"Too many people / holding back; this is crazy, / and baby, / it's not like me..." -- Paul McCartney, Too Many People Friday, May 04, 2001
Index Expurgatorius maybe I'll change my name to that... *snickers* though my (though currently unknown outside my cranium, equally devious) postmodern moniker is perhaps a little more apt... Thursday, May 03, 2001
concert tonight didn't go as badly as I had planned or later thought it went... maybe I'll upload a couple of the recorded tracks... May the waters of Styx pour over my wounds... the callous could envision more without heals unbroken Broken dust nothing more than a virgin muse... Wednesday, May 02, 2001
Tuesday, May 01, 2001
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faeries have died because YOU haven't been clapping hard enough.